


wondering, maybe

by iluvthevalleyoh



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Akamatsu Kaede's Execution, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot, Underage Drinking, idk what this is, im in emotional pain lol, jgnjdksbgdsg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:20:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iluvthevalleyoh/pseuds/iluvthevalleyoh
Summary: He was still sitting there, sniffling and rubbing his eyes raw, when he heard the small cough. Not his own. His heart dropped and he whipped his head around to the door to see it slightly ajar, someone’s foot sticking in the frame to hold it open. How long had they been there? Whoever it was hadn’t been put off yet by the sudden cease of crying, so either they were waiting for something… or they knew Shuichi was staring right at them.-shuichi locks himself in his room. kokichi knows how to pick locks.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 109





	wondering, maybe

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song "wondering" by xiu xiu. if you want to play some tunes while reading i recommend that song, "mia and sebastians theme" from la la land, and "dear god, i hate myself" also by xiu xiu. lol
> 
> also this is like really shitty and im really tired so yeah enjoy i guess

Shuichi didn’t know how long it had been. Well, he knew it had been two days, going by the nighttime announcements- but with no real clock and no human interaction there was no gauge of passing time besides the slow creep of fatigue and hunger he felt. In the time he spent lying in bed, he memorized the pattern of scratches on his ceiling. 

At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was punishing himself or simply broken, legitimately unable to move, but it didn’t really matter either way. A few times, he heard worried rings of the doorbell; he simply threw a shoe or a pillow at the door to let whoever was there know he was at least half-alive. 

Shuichi rolled onto his side, forgetting about what lay on his bedside table. Her hair clips.

_ It may be the end of me, but... I'm giving it to you, Shuichi _ _. From now on, you're going to carry on my wish! You're going to protect everyone! _

He hated himself for lying there. Wasting away, starving, crying because he couldn’t bring himself to stand. In a way he hated  _ her _ for letting Shuichi prove her guilt so easily. It had barely been an argument. She just accepted it; and then entrusted this stupid group of people to him. It could have been her escaping right now. She would be free and alive, living out whatever life was waiting for them outside the school.

Shuichi wished it had been him who died. All of their lives for hers. 

After that stunt in the library there was no doubt the mastermind, whoever they were, would be extra careful now. It was probably going to be impossible to pin them down. The thought ran through Shuichi’s head that  _ maybe there was no mastermind _ .  _ Maybe the whole game was held together by AIs and computers and that stupid fucking cage and they were all just stuck there by a case of bad luck. By chance.  _ What was he supposed to do then, huh? What did Kaede want him to fucking do? Let the numbers whittle away until someone was finally let free? She had held the power to end it all, right there, in her hands; she blew it all on the chance that Shuichi might be able to save them. 

The whole thing was stupid, Shuichi thought.  _ She was stupid for believing in me and I’m stupid for lying here.  _ He slammed his fist on the nightstand, watching the hair clips jump in retaliation. “ _ F-fuck  _ you,” he said, moving his face right up to the clips. They sat there. “ _ FUCK  _ you,” he said again, no louder than a whisper, throwing them across the room. The metal hairpieces clinked against the wall, landing on the carpet. They sat there.

Shuichi let out a blood-curdling scream; he felt it tear in his throat, lungs heating up. No one could hear him. Nighttime had begun a while ago and everyone was probably in their soundproof rooms already, sleeping like nothing had ever fucking happened. But maybe they were all screaming too. Because Kaede let herself die. If she didn’t want anyone else to lose hope, why did she give up so easily?

Shuichi passed the blame around like this in his head for a while, avoiding the obvious possibility that all of this was just inevitable. When he realized he had been thinking around it another sob left him, loud and teary, his knees dropping to the ground.  _ She died for nothing.  _

He was still sitting there, sniffling and rubbing his eyes raw, when he heard the small cough. Not his own. His heart dropped and he whipped his head around to the door to see it slightly ajar, someone’s foot sticking in the frame to hold it open.  _ How long had they been there? _ Whoever it was hadn’t been put off yet by the sudden cease of crying, so either they were waiting for something… or they knew Shuichi was staring right at them. 

Shuichi cleared his throat, voice still meek from sobbing. “H-hello…?” 

The door stayed in position, the person not moving.

“I know you’re th-there,” Shuichi stammered, barely audible.

The door suddenly burst open, revealing the recognizably small silhouette of Ouma. He stood with his hands clasped behind his back, eyes wide like he hadn’t been doing anything suspicious at all. Shuichi glanced up at him and then looked back at the floor.

“What are you doing here, Ouma,” he sighed exasperatedly. “Go back to your room.” He wasn’t going to play into any antics.

“Aww, you’re not excited to see me? I thought you had been waaiiiting for me… heehee.” Ouma flashed his annoyingly fake grin and slinked into the room, shutting the door.

“How did you even open the door?”

“You didn’t forget I can pick locks, did you, Shuichi?” Ouma flopped onto the bed like it was his, then hung his head over the other side to stare at Shuichi, who sat on the ground near it. “It’s one of my  _ greatest  _ talents, you know, besides being an evil supreme leader and all.” He propped his face onto his hands, squishing his cheeks. 

Ouma was waiting for a response from Shuichi, who still just spaced off silently. He didn’t even bother to make eye contact. After a moment of waiting, Ouma spoke up again. “You know, I actually invented lock picking. It’s true! All it took to gain popularity was its use by my massive organization!” 

Nothing.

“Uh oh… I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. I guess I’ll have to kill you now! Nee-heehee!” 

Each new addition to his meaningless blabbering had less energy than the last. Shuichi was pretty sure he was mistaken, but each one felt… more worried.

“I’m just kidding. I’m not going to kill y-”

“Can you just shut up already?” Shuichi snapped from his trance, burying his head in his knees. He scrunched his face and clenched his jaw so hard he thought his teeth might break, repeatedly slamming his fists at the ground and stomping his feet. He didn’t know what else to do or why he was doing it. It just felt necessary.

The smile dropped from Ouma’s face and he just watched for a moment, silently. Shuichi’s breakdown just kept worsening. His feet kept slamming at a worrying angle on the ground, it looked like he might hurt his shins. Ouma got up from the bed to stand directly over Shuichi. His face was devoid of expression besides ever-so-slightly raised eyebrows.

Shuichi looked up at him, eyes red and puffy. He furrowed his brows. Ouma didn’t look away, Shuichi clenched his fists and his face contorted even more; he didn’t know what to think. In fact, it felt like there was a wall blocking his thoughts.

Shuichi knew he was going to have to leave his room sooner or later, but he didn’t want to face anyone and be thrust back into the game. If he did, everything would become real. If he left his room, everyone would be out there… except for Kaede. She would really be gone. 

What Shuichi didn’t know is that he had just expressed these thoughts out loud, in a blubbering whine. Warm tears streaked his face for the third time. “What do you want, Ouma?” he pathetically sputtered.

“You know, it doesn’t have to be real yet.”

  
“What?”

“No one’s out there, Shuichi,” Ouma’s voice was different. Well, it was still  _ his, _ but his inflection was oddly flat and low. For once, it didn’t sound over-excited or fake or… like a lie. But it was impossible to tell. “They’re all asleep. It’s just us.”

Shuichi narrowed his eyes in confusion, not sure what to do. He kept staring… before Ouma turned around to leave. 

“Ou- Kokichi, wait!”

He didn’t wait, and when he left the room, he didn’t bother to close the door. It was small, but it felt like it had intention. 

Shuichi didn’t even care at this point. What did he even have to lose? His life? His life that was now meaningless- bound to the killing game. His life was meaningless, but here he had been given something that had meaning- the open door.

He jumped from his position on the ground and raced through the door to see… no one. The dormitory was empty. “ _ Kokichi?” _ he whispered. No reply. He paced around, frantically checking under the stairs, then went for the door. The cool night air filled his lungs, it was almost overwhelming after breathing the same stale air for two days straight. He stepped into the night. It was a lot darker than he had expected it to be. “... _ Kokichi?”  _ he whispered again.

“I’m right here, idiot!” Kokichi’s voice was back to normal, and he was leaning against the wall next to the door, almost completely obscured by shadows. He sauntered over to Shuichi, who now noticed he had a bottle of something and a bag of… something. He couldn’t make out what it was in the dark. “

“Now, come with me,” Kokichi said, hooking his arm through Shuichi’s, who tried to pull away but Kokichi only yanked his arm further sideways so that he couldn’t escape. Kokichi set off, practically dragging Shuichi with him.

“W-wait! Where are we going?” Shuichi asked, almost tripping over his own feet. 

“Haha, you’ll see, Shu-i-chi!” Kokichi shortened the last two syllables of his name, diminutivizing it and making Shuichi flustered. Kokichi knew what he was doing. He looked back at Shuichi, smiling. 

“Just tell me where,” Shuichi said, not feeling super up for silly games.

Kokichi stopped suddenly, making Shuichi run into him. “Here!” Shuichi hadn’t even been focused on where they were- in the small field around the back of the school, near the boiler room. Kokichi sat himself down, childishly spreading out like a starfish on his back. “Are you gonna sit or what? I did  _ not  _ come out here for you to stand around like a loser at homecoming all night, Shuichi.” His whiny, aggressive tone may have been back, but the usual sprinkling of maliciousness his voice always had seemed to be gone. It was a strange sound to hear coming from him.

Shuichi reluctantly sat in the grass. “Kokichi… why are we here?” 

Kokichi began to open the crinkly plastic bag. “You need to re- _ lax.  _ You’re probably so stressed ‘cause you haven’t eaten in a few days or whatever. That’s why I brought this bread!” Plain bread. Kokichi brought plain bread.

“You brought…  _ raw bread.  _ For me to eat?” It was a nice (?) gesture, but…

“Bread can’t be raw, silly. To make bread you have to cook it. Now, have some so you’re not mad anymore!” Kokichi laughed, trying to force a slice of it into Shuichi’s hand. He slapped it away, making it land somewhere on the ground. 

Shuichi flopped his back into the grass, covering his face with his arms. “I’m not stressed because I’m hungry, okay? Kaede is fucking dead.” It came out way harsher than he meant it to.

Kokichi didn’t say anything. Embarrassed, but careful not to show this, he put the bread away. Kokichi glanced at the detective next to him, who had moved his arms to his sides and was longingly staring up at the stars. 

Shuichi sighed. “Sorry,” he muttered, not taking his eyes off the sky. 

Kokichi didn’t bother to put up another personality or lie. “Yeah,” he muttered back, not taking his eyes off of Shuichi.

Shuichi, not bothering to question the sense of melancholy in Kokichi’s inflection, tried to turn his focus away from their dead friend. “What’s in the bottle?”

“Ooh, that’s a fun question!” Kokichi picked up the tall container and unscrewed the cap, handing it to Shuichi. “Here, drink some.”

Shuichi took it, albeit suspiciously. “W-what even is this, Kokichi? I can’t see the label in the dark.”

“Drink some, and you’ll find out!”

“Is it safe..?”

Kokichi rolled his eyes dramatically. “Of  _ course  _ it’s safe, Shuichi. Do you think I would poison my… beloved detective?”

“D-don’t call me things like that. Lies aren’t nice, Kokichi.”

“You think  _ I’m  _ lying? Me? Kokichi Ouma, Ultimate Truth-teller?” Kokichi replied in an over-the-top tone, trying to mask that he had in fact been telling the truth. Shuichi laughed at that, before (to Kokichi’s surprise and amusement) taking a long drink from the bottle and managing to swallow it.

His brevity didn’t last long. As soon as he set the bottle down he began to sputter and gag frantically. The liquid was salty, metallic, and incredibly acidic. It wasn’t far from what Shuichi expected watered-down battery acid to taste like. “ _ Ugh,  _ God, what the hell is that?”

“Nee-heehee, I didn’t think you’d have the balls, Shuichi! It’s cooking wine.”

“Cooking… _ wine?”  _ Shuichi’s voice dropped what seemed like a thousand decibels. “Like… alcohol?”

Kokichi laughed at a comparatively deafening volume. “Of course there’s alcohol in it! Why else would I bring it out here!” To prove a point, he took a drink himself, before almost choking on it and nearly spitting it everywhere. He forced himself to get it down before screwing the lid on the bottle and chucking it out into the field. It shattered somewhere, making Shuichi flinch.

“Where did you even  _ find  _ that?” Shuichi still sounded nervous, like they were a bunch of fifth-graders watching a scary movie without permission.

“In the kitchen, dumbass. It’s  _ cooking  _ wine. In the name.” Kokichi rolled onto his side to face Shuichi.

“Doesn’t that stuff have, like, 20% alcohol? That’s kind of… a lot.”

Kokichi snorted. “And? What are you gonna do, not get drunk? You had, like,  _ soooo  _ much just now.”

Shuichi laughed. “Yeah, I guess I did...”

The two lie there for a few minutes, sharing a few words here and there, but mostly sharing silence. Not awkward silence; more one of mutual peacefulness... as peaceful as one could feel in a killing game.

After a while, Shuichi raised his hands to his head. “Ugh… I feel… really dizzy.” He closed his eyes, squeezing his temples with his palms and rolled onto his side. The two were mere inches from each other- Shuichi didn’t see it but Kokichi’s eyes widened, only for a moment, before returning to normal.

Shuichi opened his eyes to Kokichi staring at him, which he immediately and uncharacteristically burst out laughing at. Kokichi internally grinned at this- Shuichi was letting his guard down for once. “You’re funny, Kokichi…” he sighed, words trailing off into a wheeze.

“Of course I’m funny, silly! A supreme leader such as myself has to be charismatic!” Feeling a boost of confidence, he touched Shuichi’s shoulder before instantly regretting it- Shuichi almost instantly stopped laughing and glanced at the hand, which Kokichi now did not dare to move. A new, awkward, not-peaceful silence arose.

“Shuichi, did you…” Kokichi’s voice was quieter than it had been all night. “Did you have a  _ thing  _ for Kaede?”

“What do you mean, like… like… romantically?” Kokichi nodded. Shuichi laughed a little. “No… not really. I mean, I cared about her a lot, and she cared about me… but… but she’s gone. I can’t do anything about that anymore.” 

Drunk Shuichi wasn’t as sad as regular Shuichi. Although regrettable that he wasn’t in a better mood more often, it was nice to see this side of him. Regaining a little bravery, Kokichi lightly tapped his fingers on Shuichi’s shoulder, pretending to be lost in thought. He only thought of Shuichi. Slowly his hand trailed over and down his back, pulling them both into a close hug.

“Kokichi… what... are you doing?”

“I don’t know, Shuichi… what  _ am _ I doing?” Kokichi responded slyly, masking his apprehensiveness. He fully expected Shuichi to get uncomfortable and leave him there; their relationship left worse than it was before.

Shuichi simply lowered his eyelids and quietly chuckled. Kokichi couldn’t tell… but it felt like he leaned in, if only a little. 

Kokichi wasn’t mistaken- Shuichi slid his arm around Kokichi and closed the distance between them, pressing their foreheads together before gasping into a kiss. It was long and slow; Shuichi taking probably too many pauses to breathe, and Kokichi being the one to press them together again. It was soft and tender, and they both tasted like cheap metallic cooking wine, but it didn’t matter then. In the mess of tangled arms Kokichi found himself slipping on top of Shuichi lazily, hands on his face and in his hair. Shuichi sighed, not completely able to tell where his arms were. Kokichi knew, though; they were up the back of his strange, strait-jacket shirt. 

They didn’t stop, in fact, they fell asleep like that- outside in the grass, tangled up in each other. The next morning, when the rest of the group inevitably had to go searching for them, they had a hard time coming up with an explanation for their position (the only one of them that believed any of it was Keebo), but Shuichi didn’t care anymore- he had a reason to live now, someone to live  _ for,  _ and he finally accepted what Kaede had wanted from him. Protecting the others might not be so useless after all, if they could all come to trust each other.

_ You guys better live! Don't go dying on me now! End this ridiculous killing game _ _ , survive, and get the hell out of this place! And then...be friends after you escape, okay? I think you'll all be the best of friends. _

**Author's Note:**

> original notes: sorry this is bad irts like 3 am and i am just blowing off steam  
> -  
> edit: hello, reader! i just created a twitter for my ao3 stuff. follow me @ iluvthevalley0h ❤️  
> \- jan 16 2021


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